The Secret Behind Popular High School Kids: It Starts with Liking Others
A girl is crowned prom queen, but the true engine behind popularity isn’t just appearance or grades. In every high school, a few students seem to glide through the halls with ease—confident, friendly, and widely known. Researchers asked thousands of students to name the people they liked, searching for what truly makes someone popular. The result was striking: the most popular students had the longest lists of people they liked.
In This Article:
Popularity Is a Habit: If You Like Many People, They Likely Like You Back
The core finding is simple: if you like a lot of people, many of them are likely to like you back. The reciprocity of liking means your positive attention tends to circle back to you, shaping how others respond to you both in school and beyond.
The Mechanism Behind It: The ‘First Likers’ and the Power of Greeting
Voices like Vanessa Van Edwards, a communications expert who teaches at Harvard, explain the mechanism: the most popular students are often the ‘first likers.’ They greet others by name, invite peers to sit with them, and actively search for the good in people. She urges a simple practice—be free with your likes—and notes that small everyday acts of friendliness can train us to be more likable.
Liking Others as a Social Superpower—and Its Caveat
There’s something positive about the fact that people who like others are often liked in return. This reciprocity can foster openness and make it easier to meet new people. But there’s a caveat: people with low self-esteem may struggle to reciprocate because affection can feel unbalanced. The takeaway remains powerful—liking yourself is the starting point for liking others, which fuels a virtuous circle of friendship.
Cultivating a Warmer Social Life: Practical Takeaways
If you want to be the person others notice and like, start with yourself and with others. Greet people by name, invite them to join you for lunch, and look for the good in those around you. Practice small acts of kindness regularly, because the habit of liking can expand your social world in school, at work, and in your community.
