I’ll Pay My Daughters $35,000 Not to Have a Wedding — A Bold Bet Against Wedding Debt
Kate, a mother of four, announced in a viral video that she will pay each daughter $35,000 not to have a wedding. She captioned the clip: "I've told them since they were young, they can either have a check or a wedding." The post has drawn more than 1.5 million views. Weddings remain costly. Nationally, couples average about $26,665 for the big day, with New York City and nearby New Jersey couples spending upwards of $53,000, and Washington, D.C., couples around $70,000. Her idea is simple: start married life debt-free, or not at all."
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The Offer: Check or Wedding — A Clear Dilemma
The offer is literal: no wedding equals a cash check. Kate explains the logic: "If they choose not to have a wedding, they’re gonna get a check." She adds that most married couples start life in debt. For context, she notes that she and her husband spent the first five years paying off their wedding debt.
A Nation in Debt: Wedding Costs and Stress
Wedding costs are rising and weigh on many households. Nationally, the average wedding costs about $26,665; in New York City and nearby New Jersey couples spend upwards of $53,000, and Washington, D.C., couples around $70,000. Debt is common: 58% of fiancés plan to take on debt to finance their weddings; 84% of lovers are stressed about paying for the celebration, and 63% say their finances have worsened since starting the wedding planning process. Kate argues that avoiding the extravaganza can prevent that debt trap.
A Personal Lesson: The Debt She’d Rather Avoid
Kate recalls her own "big, fancy, poofy wedding" and the debt that followed for years. "My husband and I spent the first five years of our marriage paying off that wedding debt," she has said. "If I could go back and invest that money in a home, the stock market, or literally anything else — and just have gone to the justice of the peace or had a small backyard family wedding — that would have been a better start for us." That choice, she adds, would have taken a lot of the pressure off their first years of marriage.
Should We Normalize Not Having Weddings?
This is about prioritizing financial stability over spectacle. "We should normalize not having weddings," she says, and her supporters have echoed that sentiment. "They set new couples up for failure." What do you think? Share your stance. In a moment of rising costs and growing debt, these conversations matter for money, culture, and family.
